dealing with pain and dysfunction

the worst

I’ve mentioned before that I’m pretty insecure about my sexytime skill level, seeing as how the whole pelvic pain deal kind of puts the kibosh on really figuring out what I’m doing.  Instead of honing skills, I’m focused more on “is the pain bad enough to stop now?  what about now?  would it be less awkward to call it quits now or deal with more pain later?  am i going to cry in the bathroom and possibly have to explain myself to this person?”

All this leads me to wonder if I am the worst sex partner ever.  Maybe these dudes discuss it with their friends and roll their eyes a lot and say things like what the fuck is wrong with her I can’t even believe I bothered wasting my time dude just find someone else because she is terrible.  I bet they do.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and et cetera.

But you know what, dudes?  You’re ALL the worst.  So there.

The only way I could rank my sexual encounters (relationshippy types notwithstanding) is from mildly painful to excruciating—all with strong undertones of totally fucking awkward.

I’m still trying to figure out why I do this kind of thing (and why I will continue to do this kind of thing)…