dealing with pain and dysfunction

Specialist visit III

I had another follow up visit with Dr. Levey this morning, and I’m feeling a bit unsettled.  I haven’t been doing enough as far as biofeedback/dilator therapy goes, and I totally got called out on it.  I make a lot of excuses to myself about why I can’t get started properly:  month-long yeast infection from hell, too many classes, too much work, not enough sleep, too much work, too much work, too much work.  Well, fine.  I’ve just gotta drop a class and sleep less.  I think I’d be a little less determined if the pain wasn’t gaining on me.  I’ve been having odd spasms lately, and I don’t really care for that.  There’s also some irritation bullshit going on, and I would really like to walk around/wear underwear/sit with my legs crossed/whateverthefuckelseI’mnotabletodonormally.

Speaking of which, I had a glance at my file when the doctor left the room, and apparently at my last visit I was diagnosed with vulvar vestibulitis.

Okay, sweet.  Thanks for letting me in on that little secret.  Maybe I’m just pissed at having to pay out of pocket and needing an (incredibly expensive) ultrasound at my next visit.  But… maybe I’m just pissed in general.  HOW did I leave that office without hearing about this diagnosis?  Oh well, I guess.  That’s what happens when you enter into the system of western medicine–you know fuckall about your own health and you pay lots of money for your continued ignorance.

See, toldya I was pissed.

Anyway, my glance also afforded me the full name of the mystery ingredient in the topical cream.  It’s Neurontin, aka Gabapentin.  Because gabapentin is always prescribed off-label, I’m now completely reassured that there isn’t anything sketchy going on here.  There’s one pharmacy in midtown that mixes this stuff up, and I’m sure that it could be replicated anywhere else, so long as the prescribing doctor was comfortable doing so without regulation.

Other things from the file that made me LOL:

“More than 50% of this visit was spent counseling the patient”

“Current problems – detail view”  (this section had its own little scrolly bar, hah)

Alright, back to business.  I mentioned the various period-related problems I’ve been having, and now there’s the possibility that all of these things are related.  I’m not sure, how, exactly, that would work.  Maybe he just meant that some people have shit luck?  But now that means that I have to come in for an ultrasound next time, just to see what’s up in my uterus that might be making it rebel so horribly.  Dr. Levey also suggested an MRI, but… no thanks.  Last time I had to take out my face metal.  They told me it would be fifteen minutes, so I removed the lip ring and handed it over.  I woke up in the MRI about 45 minutes later, and the piercing had closed, I had to shove it back through, I was far away from my official titanium-ball-screwer-onner… it was just bad news all around.  I am so not willing to do that again (and this time twice, and through cartilage, eww).  I just keep diverging from the point.

Hopefully, the ultrasound will show that I’ve got a massive uterus that’s totally fit for the Mirena.  Levey’s office has an anesthesiologist and they would be willing to put me under for the insertion.  But it would cost $1400, aka more than a month’s rent in Manhattan.  I’m such a fucking badass, I can handle it.  I’ll just go to Planned Parenthood, pay the $150 and hope for the best without being knocked out.  There are plenty of rich pill-poppers at Cornell, it wouldn’t be hard to find something to take the edge off, and I’m sure it’d cost a hell of a lot less than $1400.

Either way, I’ve got to do something about this, and fast.  I’ve had cramps for a week, and for no good reason.  I tried to start stacking packs of pills so I wouldn’t have to deal with this shit at all, and it severely backfired.  Instead, the cramps got worse and the bleeding lasted longer.  Oops.  I’m still not able to take any OTC painkillers though, and this is absolutely unbearable.  I mean, I have to function anyway, because nobody really cares about cramps.  They’re just a lady-pain, made up in my weak little lady-brain, after all.  God, I’m just crampy and mean and bitchy and rambly, I’ve gotta stop writing to the internet now.  Speaking of rambly, I’m getting a tattoo tomorrow, I’m back in the city, I’m not doing any work for a day or two, I’m going to eat some Indian food, omg yay!  Alright, we’ve all had enough.  I swear I’ll start writing decent posts again soon, sorry.


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  1. * Esther says:

    Excuse me — more than 50% of visit spent counseling patient? HELLO? As if that’s something noteworthy when you have MYSTERIOUS UNEXPLAINED PAIN OF THE CROTCH? Ugh, I hate doctors.

    As for disclosing diagnoses…I once found out my diagnosis from a BILL. Then the next bill had a different diagnosis. I really don’t understand the reasoning there. Uhm, why am *I* not allowed to be a participant in my own health?

    Anyway, I hope everything works out for you. I’m sorry about your excessive cramps — they sound awful. Have you discussed the possibility of endometriosis with anyone? I don’t know much about endo, but from what I’ve read it can have symptoms similar to yours. Ugh, I hope you can figure it out!

    Posted 9 years, 1 month ago
  2. * traveltothesky says:

    Ugh, I know! Like, “gee, I wonder why someone who’s CROTCH REALLY FUCKING HURTS would ever want to *talk* to their doctor about it??” Hmm, what a mystery. I don’t know why, maybe I was just in a bad mood, but my doctor came off as really smarmy at that visit.

    When I made an oh-no-shock-and-despair face at the cost of Mirena at his office, he said something like “we don’t even make any money off of it, so it’s kind of silly.” Like my worry was about their profit margin or something.

    Sigh… it’s not like we can just go elsewhere if we don’t like our doctors, either. I feel like I’m lucky enough as it is just to have found someone who actually believes that the pain exists.

    I haven’t had any doctors mention endo to me, but hopefully they’ll find something out at my next appointment with their expensive ultrasound… I’ll look into it myself until then, thanks for the idea!

    Posted 9 years, 1 month ago

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