dealing with pain and dysfunction


I made it through the whole entire appointment without crying even once!!

I forgot how different a pelvic pain exam is from a regular pelvic exam though.  It’s like a clock game of DOOM.  So here’s how it works.  If you’ve got a vag, picture the “top” (toward your belly button) as 12:00 and the “bottom”(toward your spine) as 6:00; left is 3:00 and right is 9:00.  If you don’t have a vag… picture that you do.  And that it’s hurty.  Kay?  So the doctor is all, “okay, I’m going to touch 12:00 with a q-tip, tell me how much it hurts on a scale of 1-4.”  And you’re just like, “omfg kill me kill me kill me, fourfourFOUR PLZ TO BE STOPPING NOW.”  Then you go all the way around the clock!  It’s like a full twelve hours of wanting to be shot.  Well, actually, yeah.   Because the tension after an exam doesn’t go away for quite awhile, unfortunately.  I’m still all stressed out and hurty and tense.  Blerhgh.

I did get another prescription for the wonder cream, and the secret ingredients are revealed!  My prescription this time is just lidocaine + aspirin, but the stuff I had before was lidocaine + aspirin + steroids.  I’m picking up the stuff tomorrow, since the pharmacy is in midtown I didn’t go today, so I’ll update with specific percentages of medication in this magical stuff.  OH and the pharmacy?  Is named The Cure.  Clever!  And also I love The Cure (as in Robert Smith and friends, not as in the pharmacy).

Dr. Levey also recommended a vaginal botox injection for me, which I’ve definitely been increasingly interested in.  Apparently it’s becoming the go-to cure for muscular dysfunction patients.  The only thing is that it costs $3000.  So I’ll be contacting my insurance company and hopefully they’ll cover it, but the doctor’s office wasn’t too optimistic about that.  If they won’t cover it, I’ll start saving and just keep doing physical therapy, topical cream, and biofeedback in the meantime.  I’m really excited about this prospect, though!  The only confusing thing, and what I wish I would have asked today, is that it’s apparently a bad thing to have weak pelvic floor muscles (well, obvs that might make me kinda bad in bed if I could actually deal with anything penetrative, but I like to think that my other skills make up for that, thankyouverymuch).  So if weak muscles are bad, how does paralyzing them help?  Of course it stops the spasms and therefore the pain, but… weak?  Paralyzed?  I don’t get it.  I don’t even really know what I’m trying to ask, I’m just confused.

So the other thing is that I apparently have a fucking raging yeast infection.  And I was just like, “oh, more vag pain?  whatevs, par for the course.”  I noticed something was up, but the vulvodynia pain comes and goes sometimes, so I didn’t think it was anything out of the ordinary.  Like sometimes there’ll just be a week or so where I can’t sit down or walk comfortably, or where having to wear underwear makes me want to scream, or something like that.  UM, that’s really fucked up.  It really puts into perspective how much pain I’m willing to put up with before I think there might be an unusual problem, though.  I’ve just been trying to ignore it and put it out of my head as something that’s unfortunate but normal, but now that I have an Official Diagnosis and some Prescription Drugs from an Important Doctor, it’s like I have permission to actually feel what’s going on.  And let me tell you internets, it sucks pretty bad.  It’s those damn baby washcloths that did it, I just know it!! I’m never going another month without my dear, dear cup.


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