dealing with pain and dysfunction

Estoy en Cuernavaca y muy cabreado*

Okay so this blog is where I go to complain about my vag problems.  This problem is quite different, and is only here because I am absolutely furious and disgusted and upset and I can’t complain out loud right now.  It has very little to do with vulvodynia, so my apologies in advance.

I am in in a Spanish immersion school in Cuernavaca, Morelos, MX.  My DivaCup is in a drawer in Ithaca, New York, USA.  AND I AM SO ANGRY.  Oh, and my birth control is also in Ithaca, so I’m crazy, mean, and bleeding x 100000000.  A doctor put me on the pill when I was like 13 because I bled too much and had cramps so bad that all I could do was curl up and vomit.  Like, couldn’t even get to the bathroom to throw up.  And now I am no longer on the pill, so this is awful.  I don’t know how my pre-teen self dealt with this shit, but I’d like to meet her and give her a hug.  You know the kind of pain where you just want to break something and then pass out??  That is me at the moment.

I mean, leaving my shampoo and toothbrush in Ithaca is okay.  Annoying, but… okay.  This?  Is absolutely unacceptable.  There is nowhere in Mexico for me to buy a replacement.  I’ve checked online (google “comprar copa menstrual”) and everything is in Spanish.  That seems like the right direction, but no.  Because they will only ship to Spain and Portugal.  The LadyCup would ship to Mexico… in 10-20 days.  GODDAMNIT.  I bought some baby washcloths and velcro so I could get crafty and make my own cloth pads.  They’re super cute, but I’ve gone through three of the 12 in the last few hours.  And not to judge anyone else’s menstrual choices, but I haven’t used a pad since I was like in middle school, and I feel fucking disgusting, squishing around in blood.  I got some cloth pads (actual ones, not these useless washcloths) when I thought I’d be getting an IUD, but I only used them once and couldn’t deal with it.  I think my period is pretty neat, but this is just too much for me right now.  How do you sit down?  Or walk?  Or move?  Yo tengo una problema en mis pantalones.

OH AND HERE’S THE KICKER.  The reason that I can’t just go to the store and buy some?  Is that I’m allergic to commercial pads and tampons.  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.  Oh, and the toilet paper at my school has these green flowers on it.  And I’m allergic to the fucking ink.  Who the FUCK thinks it’s a good idea to put colored ink on fucking TOILET PAPER??  I am so furious and uncomfortable right now, and I totally have to act like everything’s fine.  Everyone here is sooo polite and I don’t know how to properly be sick, you know?  Like, is it rude to want to curl up in bed all day??  I can’t skip school.  I can’t be sad or mean because this is a vacation for my mom and I, so I don’t want to ruin it.  And I couldn’t even begin to explain this to my host mother because my Spanish is awful, and if I tell any of my host sisters (in English, they speak it very well), they’ll tell our mom and she’ll make a big deal out of it… Everything here is a huge production and takes forever.  I just need my cup, like right this instant.

Honestly, I can’t believe how life-changing a little silicone bell has been, but I NEED IT.  I am bleeding on absolutely everything I own.  I have to sleep on a towel.  Before I came here I went shopping and I got these little shorts with penguins on them and they are sooo cute and now they are covered in blood.  Poor penguins.  God this fucking sucks. Seriously??  Who is allergic to tampons, for christsake??  WHAT.  Really?  Okay this is getting incoherent and I have homework to do.

*I am in Cuernavaca and very pissed off  (of course I mixed up ser y estar the first time I posted this, argh)


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  1. * marit says:

    :/ I don’t suppose there’s any natural food stores or environmental awareness conventions going on?
    Reason I bring up the conventions is, one day when I went to New York City there happened to be an environmental street fair taking place.
    One of the vendors sold DivaCups in plain sight.
    I don’t own one but I hope I wasn’t the only one who shouted and pointed “DIVA CUPS! DIVA CUPS!” at the vendor.
    I didn’t mean to scare her, I was just so excited, I’d never seen one in person before!

    Alas it does not appear from the NatraCare website that their all-natural tampons are available in Mexico. Ugh, “Malta” to “Norway,” no “Me” country names inbetween :/

    Posted 9 years, 3 months ago

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